


no longer

by yutacatboy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Development, Falling Out of Love, Hurt/Comfort, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun is Whipped, M/M, Sad, Suh Youngho | Johnny Being an Asshole, that's an actual tag lol, yuta taeyong and ten are good friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:14:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29313903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yutacatboy/pseuds/yutacatboy
Summary: jaehyun watching his boyfriend fall out of love with him and in love with another
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Moon Taeil/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Kudos: 38





	no longer

**Author's Note:**

> okay so first of all sorry johnny baby ily, johnny is an actual sweetheart and this does not represent the real him, 
> 
> second of all hi this is my first time writing angst, i usually write soft fluff because i love sweet love stories but i just woke up one day and chose violence, i got possessed and wrote this in one sitting before dinner lol, i also have no idea if this is good or bad because i literally cannot judge my writing at all so you be the judge 
> 
> finally i reccomend listening to no longer by nct127, alone, me and my husband by mitski and ex by stray kids while reading this, anyways this is too long, enjoy reading !!!! 💕

Jaehyun can't remember a time when johnny wasn't by his side, when someone invites one of them somewhere, the other is also there, they were inseparable. 

They grew old together, from 5 to 24, jaehyun doesn't remember a time when he and johnny weren't standing by each other, supporting each other and comforting each other.

Johnny was there when jaehyun broke a bone for the first time, was there when jaehyun came out to his parents, and was there when they graduated college together, "to freedom and a bright future" jaehyun cheered that night.

They grew old together, went through everything together and they fell in love in the middle of it all.

Jaehyun liked to believe that he and johnny were always meant to be, that they were made for each other, that God blessed them and sent them to each other.

He thought that nothing could come in between them, but he was so wrong, so mistaken, so naive because something did come in between them and easily so too, moon taeil was the one that came between them, a boy jaehyun himself introduced to johnny. 

Jaehyun was not upset with johnny, he wasn't mad at taeil either, but at himself for being so naive, so simple-minded, so stupid for thinking johnny would never fall out of love with him. 

Taeil was a pretty boy, he had beautiful red hair, his eyes were big and glossy and he was adorable, jaehyun can see why he was the one to charm his johnny away, well not his anymore, used to be his at least.

Johnny didn't say anything, but jaehyun can see it and he can feel it, he was no fool, he saw the way johnny gave taeil a smile so bright, so big, he bets it hurts, saw him smile at the taeil in a way he hasn't seen the older do in a long while.

While jaehyun laid in his bed, tears on the corners of his eyes, slowly falling down his cheeks, he could hear johnny on the phone, "baby I'm talking with a friend, I'll come in a minute", then a minute turned 3 then 30 and jaehyun was still silently crying, he wants to scream and yell and make a scene but he loves johnny too much for that. 

While jaehyun was choking on his tears, trying to keep quiet, he could hear johnny giggling over the phone, jaehyun has never felt as helpless.

While he laid in bed he felt his heart shrink in his chest, he felt suffocated, he felt his heart break in a way he has never felt before, now he understands the pain of a broken heart, he can feel it breaking inside of him.

He felt pain he has never felt before, and when he felt the bed dip and johnny getting in with a small "baby? you awake?", he decided that pretending to be asleep is better than having to face johnny after hearing him giggle so sweetly in a way he hasn't heard in weeks.

Going to bed late turned into not coming home at all, jaehyun waited and waited on their couch, cup of coffee after cup of coffee, he waited with a broken heart and crying eyes, he felt johnny slipping from between his fingers and it hurts like hell,

Being home and knowing johnny is somewhere else, loving someone else, laughing with someone else while he broke himself down, it's painful but jaehyun waits anyways, he waits and waits with empty promises he made to himself, johnny is too sweet to keep waiting, he'll be back tonight, right?

"I'm so sorry jaehyun, it was late so I had to stay the night at a friend's house," johnny said with a straight face and no matter how hard he tried to make his tone sound loving, it sounded foreign to jaehyun's ears, 

What friend? jaehyun wanted to ask but he found himself smiling and hugging johnny like a child, "I'm just glad you came back to me" he said with a sad tone, holding johnny tighter like he was going to disappear the moment jaehyun loosen his hold.

But one night turned two and then it became a week and suddenly johnny was rarely home, jaehyun barely slept, bags under his eyes and tears never leaving his eyes, jaehyun became so sad even his friends took notice. 

It felt like poison, the love that once kept him alive is killing him now, he was slowly but surely dying, his heart was begging for him to stop torturing himself like this but he couldn't stop waiting for johnny on their couch, their love became poison and jaehyun was the one to drink it. 

"Jaehyun please stop doing this to yourself, you're crying over a man who doesn't even care about you enough to give you a call, what a fucking asshole after all those years look at him throwing you away like a bone for dogs to chew on," taeyong said as jaehyun cried his eyes out, ten affectionately rubbed his back as he held into yuta for dear life, "jaehyun I know how much you love him but you have to know your worth, look at you so beautiful, so smart, so sweet, crying over a fucking asshole, he was never the one for you baby" ten whispered in his ear as he shook his head, "johnny is the only one for me, I know that" he choked out as his friends shared sad looks between them. 

"Johnny !!" jaehyun beamed as soon as he heard the door open, johnny walked in with a bright smile, "hi jaehyun, I hope you don't mind I brought taeil along, he refused at first but I convinced him to come," johnny said his hand reaching to hold taeil's who blushed and tried to pull his hand away, jaehyun watched with a broken heart and a friendly smile, "of course, taeil is a dear friend" he forced out and noticed the way taeil's eyes looked at him with guilt, 

"Hi jaehyun" taeil said shyly, standing awkwardly by the door, "don't be shy now, you visited us before," jaehyun said sweetly but with a hint of bitterness that taeil seemed to notice, his face turning as red as his hair.

Is this really the same johnny I fell in love with? jaehyun kept thinking as he laid in his bed late at night, his thoughts were eating him alive, they were so loud and so harsh, whenever he closed his eyes all he could see is johnny and taeil, taeil and johnny, it was killing him alive.

"Finally decided to come home ?" jaehyun said with a teasing smile but a hurt tone, johnny chuckled and shyly ducked his head, damn you Johnny Suh. 

"Sorry jaehyun, you know I get busy", since when do you call me jaehyun? I thought you loved calling me your baby? jaehyun oh so desperately wanted to say but he was a weak man for Johnny Suh and his beautiful smile and his bright eyes, "I know baby, it's fine! I just miss you is all" 

It was painful watching his johnny with another man, even harder knowing that man is his own friend, he watched with sad eyes as they held hands under the table, or at least tried to, taeil would always try to pull his hand away and scold johnny under his breath, he felt betrayed, lost, like he lost a piece of himself.

Johnny made him feel useless, like he was worth nothing, just a pretty face to stare at, he wondered if johnny even truly loved him or if it was just a show that was now over, the audience clapped and left, the lighting went off and jaehyun was the only one left on stage.

Did all those years mean anything to johnny? or did he just pity jaehyun and decided to accept his confession? did their late-night talks mean anything to him? their shared laughs, their hushed kisses when jaehyun was over at johnny's, the promises they made together, did any of it mean something to johnny?

"When are you going to break up with him jaehyunie ?" ten asked carefully, "I can't" jaehyun whispered with tears threatening to fall down his eyes, "I know he's being selfish, that he doesn't care about me or my feelings but I can't leave him, he is a part of me, without him I feel worthless, he gave me a meaning ten, I feel so happy around him, without him I'm nothing" ten pulled him closer and let him cry in his chest as he tried his best to console him, 

"jaehyun you deserve so much more, that fucker doesn't deserve you, he never did, he is a selfish piece of shit, you are priceless jaehyun, worth more than you can imagine," yuta said as he placed a cup of tea in front of jaehyun, "here drink this" he whispered with a small smile as he sat next to his friends. 

The next time johnny visits, he finds jaehyun in the kitchen baking some cookies, the whole house smells so lovely and jaehyun misses all of it when johnny give him his usual bright smile, he hasn't realized how long it's been since he genuinely felt alive, "hi baby, missed me ?" johnny asked with a wink, removing his shoes and walking to jaehyun to greet him, "hm no not really" jaehyun said with a glare, johnny made a noise of confusion and followed jaehyun into the living room. 

"finally remembered you have a boyfriend at home waiting for you? I thought you forgot I exist" jaehyun looked at johnny with serious eyes, no hints of joking displayed in his eyes, johnny smiled shyly and reached over to hold his hand, "baby you know I have-" "you have work right ? is your work by any chance called moon taeil ?" jaehyun said harshly, pulling his hand away from johnny's grasp, "I only have one question. Why johnny? why? after all those years? everything we built together over years you just destroyed in a matter of weeks, years building our relationship for you to destroy it like a house of cards, so fragile, just the blow of the wind broke us apart, is that how you feel about me?" jaehyun finished with tears falling down his eyes.

Johnny was speechless, opening his mouth and then closing it, like a fish out of water, the air became so tense around them, it's like they were strangers and strangely enough, that's how jaehyun felt about johnny right now, a stranger.

Years of friendship and relationship yet johnny looked like a stranger to jaehyun, it wasn't johnny's face that was stranger but his heart, his soul, the way he talks, and the way he laughs, it all felt strange and foreign to jaehyun.

The silence was suffocating between them, the silence stretched out for way longer than jaehyun's liking and it was getting too much, "leave" he weakly whispered looking away, "jaehyun give me one more chance, a chance to explain" johnny panicked standing up when jaehyun did,

"explain what? you are a manipulative piece of shit johnny, I don't deserve this, I won't let you blind me again with some sweet talking, you mean nothing to me anymore" jaehyun said sharply taking a step forward to face johnny, "now get out of my house and never show me your face again",

"jaehyun please I-" "I said leave, from now on, you're dead to me johnny suh".

When johnny left, jaehyun fell down on his knees and broke down in his living room, he received numerous texts from both johnny and taeil asking for another chance, for forgiveness jaehyun ignored them both,

Johnny knocked on his door a lot of times for weeks without end, he was crying, talking about how he shouldn't have done what he did, how jaehyun is his best friend and companion through all, jaehyun cried from behind the door and yelled at him to leave, "the least you could do is let me move on, don't be so selfish john" his voice was raw from crying and screaming. 

His friends were there for him throughout all of the stages of his break up, they would spend the night with him, yuta even cuddled him to sleep and patted his head lovingly while he cried, taeyong baked him all sort of sweets, and ten told him embarrassing stories just to see him crack a smile.

It was tough but he made it, he didn't die, he didn't lose himself, he was still the same jaehyun, just a bit stronger, a bit wiser and a bit more self loving.

Johnny suh be damned, I am my own lover.

**Author's Note:**

> we LOVE character development !!! know your worth !! leaving a kudo or/and a comment would be really sweet of you and would make me very happy 🥰🥰🥰👩❤️💋👩 i am open to constructive criticism so if you have any advice for me please do tell and if you don't like something and think i could improve it please do tell as well.


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